The Dickensian tragedy of bike theft

This video link was sent to me recently – it reinforces my hatred of bike thieves, especially cunning ones:

Poor guy. Not the thief – but he has some chutzpah to ask for a ladder to remove the sign. All the more reason to lock your bike to a bike hoop. Notice how he does a ‘walk-by’ before he makes a decision to take the bike.

Hell’s 422nd level is reserved for bike thieves. Room 422/42 is the chain-cleaning hell, where a trillion Huffy Gila bikes that have been ridden through tar-pits and dairy cattle dung for an eon by a tribe of evil 130kg sprites with one leg 6 inches longer than the other, are sent to have their drivetrains cleaned. The chainbreakers in the toolbox are made out of plastic by Hasbro, and the toothbrush supplied has three bristles, and the solvent is rancid yak’s butter and skunk urine mixed with Jaegermeister. That should keep them busy for a while. As my grandma used to say: “The devil makes work for idle hands”. Rooms 43 and 44 are freewheel dismantling and servicing rooms, where the ceiling is a gigantic electromagnet. If you drop just one 1/8″ ball bearing, you are tipped back down a coarse-aggregate-floored chute to room 422/3 where the resident overdemon rubs salt into the newly-acquired gravel rash. No-one has got past Room 44 yet. They just keep on turning the magnet up.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “The Dickensian tragedy of bike theft

  1. Loz

    Hi Mark, good to see that the BAC blog is still going strong! My mountain bike was recently stolen, despite being locked up with the ultimate Kyptonite New York bike lock, and so I’m faced with having to get a replacement. Are you able to offer any advice? I had it insured for $2K. Thanks! Loz.

    • BACBikes

      Hi there,
      Sorry to hear about your Avanti going missing. How did they get through that lock?
      Do you want to go off-road with its replacement, or are you just riding to and from work?
      Giant’s XTC is probably the best value for money that’s a similar bike, perhaps with an upgrade on the wheels.
      Or a Specialized Rockhopper?

      I’ll think of some others soon.

      Still riding your Baum? I bought a Lynskey recently, well, two. I liked the cyclocross bike I built so much I bought their Helix OS road frame as well. Not riding very fast at the moment tho’.

  2. Loz

    Thanks for your comments, Mark, much appreciated.

    I’ve got no idea how they managed to get through the lock as both it, and the bike, were gone when I returned. The good news is that the bike had been involved in an accident (I got hit by a car, that went straight through a stop sign, whilst riding along the Copenhagen bike lane in Swanston St) so it was a little worse for wear making it the perfect time for it to disappear.

    I’ll be using the bike mainly for commuting plus a little bit of off road but nothing serious. I just thought I’d get a mountain bike so that I’ve got all the bases covered.

    Is it true that all mountain bikes are moving to 29″ wheels?

    The Specialized Rockhopper looks good. I don’t really want to buy a Giant if I can avoid it. I’ve picked up a few brochures from BSC and Cecil Walker but haven’t had a chance to look at them yet.

    Yes, still riding the Baum although, like you, not super fast as I was a bit shaken by the whole car accident episode and eased off the riding considerably thereafter.

    The Lynskey is beautiful! Very nice details. Looks more like a piece of art than a bicycle. What happened to the Scott? No longer a carbon fibre fan?

    If you have any other brainwaves, please let me know.

    Also, if you can recommend a reputable bike shop that would be good too.

    Thanks very much!

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